I can’t remember not being depressed. I can’t remember not having that sudden disappointment or the wave of sadness and hopelessness engulf me. I’m 20 years old and I don’t think I will ever truly be happy. I take my meds but I’ve become to numb that all I feel is sadness. My meds make me not want to kill myself.. Theyve helped me so much but I still struggle with selfharm. I don’t have a lot of friends.. Only one and I don’t like to hangout because I would rather just stay home. Everything is always the same.. Go to work, come home. It all seems so pointless. People cared for a while but life doesn’t stop to suffer with you.. It keeps going and so does everybody else and after a while nobody really cares anymore. I guess you could just stay that I feel absolutely nothing. And I sometimes think that’s worse then being in the worst of manic suicidal depression. I can’t be the only one.